Sluttery
So. For the last few days I have been trolling Tinder looking for something. Not sure what form it takes, but I need attention. It’s how I ended up becoming poly. Lindsey loves me, but finds my flirty energy too much, and now that we’re in a relationship, it isn’t needed for her. So I think that’s what I’m hunting for the most.
But I can also acknowledge that I love sex with strangers. But post op surgery rules say nothing below the waist for at least 90 days. So…1/15. So that’s out. But I also have a strong oral fixation. I haven’t had the interest to date a dude, but I am in love with cocks. Like hard. core. I want them. Almost as much as I feel the same way about vulvas.
Anyway, this morning I wake up and post in my kinky fb community group these words:
I don’t say much here, so like, don’t ell at me.
But I’m thirsty. I really want a cock in and around my mouth.
How do you people deal with this need?
Less of a discussion and more of a thirst trap, obviously. But it spawned a giant love fest. For me, the community, love of cock, and general sluttery. Then a discussion on how many of us identify with this feeling. This need to pursue our pre covid identities as sluts and poly practicioners. This feeling that we shut down our libido, almost to the point that we feel asexual, either consciously or un, doesn’t matter.
Some time during all of this love and self examination, I realize that I have a strong need to be liked, loved, adored, wanted, and generally just be popular. Which is super abnormal for me, or maybe it’s just been repressed and it’s just come to a climax today. But I don’t know how to inspire or influence any of this other than to give of myself. And the way I do this is with gifts and sex. And gifts of sex.
So to start my day I put this out in the world, straight up asking for someone to throw their dick at me. I haven’t done near as much work as I should have. And all I can think is ‘when is someone going to make me an offer that I can’t refuse.’ Because on top of ALL OF THAT SHIT, I am afraid to endanger myself because post op, I am at even greater risk. Not just of COVID, but just general infection. So most fuckbois are immediately disqualified.
There was then a discussion of how to sate the oral need. Toys were suggested. Negative, I want the thrill of the hunt and the joy of conquering someone. Bananas were suggested as an alternative, because at least it gives a more accurate mouth feel, and you can practice depth better because you can see teeth marks where you can’t go further. Intriguing, but see my first point. Extra masturbation, in many forms, were suggested. Negative, no below the waist.
And lastly, I’m also trying to come to terms with the REALLY new realization that I find men attractive. Trying to determine what I find attractive, other than big ass cocks. Trying to learn how to make boys like me. Trying to figure out what dating boys looks like for me. And trying to figure out if I would rather add a boy, a functional trans girl, or a cis girl to my life.
There’s just a whole need for dick in my life. There’s a need for affection and flirting in my life. There’s a need for a new relationship in my life. And there’s a need to come to terms with the fact that I am considering dating boys.
Today is a bit much. And instead of repressing it like I normally would, I am 100% riding the wave and feeding it.
FUN.
